Crisis Of Infinite Waynes
by Legatum
Summary: Seeking closure for the tragedy that has defined his life and the lives of countless Batmen across the DC Multiverse, Bruce Wayne has created the ultimate computer program, a program capable of scouring the multiverse and finding a Bruce Wayne untouched by heartbreak and loss. But finding a Bruce Wayne whose life is not tragic, crazy, or downright weird will not be easy


"Sir," Alfred Pennyworth inquired nervously. "Are you sure you should do this? What possible good could come of it?"

Bruce Wayne's eyes remained firmly fixed of the massive screen of the Batcomputer as he answered.

"Closure, Alfred, closure. This computer program is the most advanced ever created. Once I link up to the UN's deep space satellite network, I'll be able to collect information on every single earth from across the multiverse. I want to know, I _need _to know that somewhere in the endless expanse of creation, there's a Bruce Wayne who lived a life of peace and happiness, a life untouched by death, sorrow, and tragedy. A Bruce Wayne who lived the life I was denied."

Alfred signed. "I understand. I'll leave you to it. Call if you need anything."

As Alfred's footsteps disappeared up the stairway to the mansion. Bruce wiped his sweaty hands on a nearby rag. He took a deep breath.

"Okay, here we go. Computer, initiate program."

"_**Program initiated, data gathering… … data gathered. Program commencing…"**_

A window containing the desired information on one of the countless parallel earths in the DC multiverse appeared on the screen.

* * *

**Earth 30:**

**Location: Atlantic Ocean**

**Year: 1912**

**Parents: Thomas & Martha Wayne- Status: Drowned On The Titanic**

**Son: Bruce Wayne- Age: 15- Status: See Above**

"Christ," Bruce muttered. "That didn't turn out so well. Still, the multiverse is _infinite_. Somewhere out there is the person I'm searching for, a Bruce Wayne that lived the life he deserved, free of tragedy and heartbreak. All I have to do is find him. Computer, continue."

"_**Continuing Program…."**_

* * *

**Earth 170:**

**Location: New York City, New York**

**Year: 1993**

**Parents: Ted & Martha Wayne- Status: Wealthy & Respected Industrialists**

**Son: Bruce Wayne- Age: 10- Status: Trampled in a Clown Riot at the Circus**

* * *

**Earth 13:**

**Location: New York City, New York**

**Year: 2015**

**Parents: Tim & Mildred Wayne- Status: Professional Stoners**

**Son: Bruce- Age: 22- Status: Founder of B-List Punk Band, "Bats In The Hood"**

"**PUNK"! **Bruce snarled. "Punk is nothing but death… and crime… and the rage of a _beast_!"

* * *

**Earth 129:**

**Location: New Jersey**

**Year: 2008**

**Parents: Tom & Margaret Wayne- Status: Contemporary Artists**

**Son: Bruce Wayne- Age: 30- Status: Community Organizer In Hoboken N.J**

* * *

**Earth 69: **

**Location: San Francisco, California**

**Year: 2019**

**Parents: Tod & Molly Wayne- Status: Professional Bar Flies**

**Son: Benji Wayne- Age- 25- Status: Bat Themed Porn Star, "The Dark Hunk"**

* * *

**Earth 96:**

**Location: Okinawa**

**Year: 2012**

**Parents: Tanimoto & Mariko Waynabi- Status: Owners Of Shity Wok Restaurant**

**Son: Benimaru Waynabi- Age: 34- Status: Sumo Wrestler, moonlights as the Okinawan superhero, "FatBat"**

* * *

**Earth 134:**

**Location: Hollywood**

**Year: 2019**

**Parents: Thomas & Martha Cage- Status- Alive**

**Son: Nicholas Cage- Age: 56- Status: Nicholas Cage**

A cold chill of sheer horror ran down Bruce's spine.

"Is it just me, or do these entries seem to be getting progressively _worse_?" He muttered to himself.

* * *

**Earth 60:**

**Location: Detroit, Michigan**

**Year: 2014**

**Parents: Toliver & Millicent Wayne- Status: Professional Welfare Recipients**

**Son: Bruce Wayne- Age: 36- Status: Substitute Math Teacher**

* * *

**Earth 5:**

**Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania**

**Year: 2020**

**Parents: Thomas & Marty Wayne- Status: Gay**

**Son: Bruce Wayne- Age: 40- Status: Star of the highly controversial children's television show, "Mr. Homo's Neighborhood"**

"I wouldn't want to hear the theme song for that show." Bruce muttered.

* * *

**Earth 12:**

**Location: Eskimo Settlement of Ice Ass, Alaska**

**Year: 1922**

**Parents: Kunuk & Chiki- Status: Senicide**

**Son: Bunuk- Age: 30- Status: Professional Eskimo**

* * *

**Earth 98:**

**Location: Nile River**

**Year: 1995**

**Parents: Thomas & Martha Rockefeller- Status: Eaten by Crocodiles while on safari**

**Son: Bruce Rockefeller- Age: 12- Status- See Above**

* * *

**Earth 41:**

**Location: Tokyo, Japan**

**Year: 2019**

**Parents: Thomas & Martha Chang- Status: Professional Tiger Parents**

**Son: Bruce Chang- Age: 12- Status: Committed suicide after receiving a C- on his middle school Math test.**

* * *

**Earth 105:**

**Location: East Africa**

**Year: 1995**

**Parents: Tomamba & Magumbo Walikiliki- Status: Eaten by African Army Ants**

**Son: Burumba Walikiliki- Age: 30- Status: Swore vengeance on all insects, became professional exterminator known as, "Antman"**

* * *

**Earth: 26**

**Location: Los Angeles, California**

**Subjects: Timothy & Maggie Wayne- Status: Professional YouTube Gamers, No time for children.**

* * *

**Earth 18:**

**Location: Moscow, Russia**

**Year: 1950**

**Parents: Tevia & Masha Waynovich- Status: Professional Communists**

**Son: Boris Waynovich- Age: 32- Status: Shot for not clapping hard enough at Joseph Stalin's anniversary speech**

* * *

**Earth 55:**

**Location: Chicago, Illinois **

**Year: 2010**

**Parents: Tommy "The Weasel" Wayne & Milly "Iron Broad" Wayne- Status: Meth Dealers**

**Son: Benny "Snotnose" Wayne- Age: 9- Status: Being groomed to take over the family business**

* * *

**Earth 130:**

**Location: Las Vegas, Nevada**

**Year: 2013**

**Parents: Garth & Glitter Wayne- Status: Buffet Managers At Caesars Palace**

**Daughter: Bell Wayne- Age: 23- Status: Stripper**

* * *

**Earth 86:**

**Location: Western Europe**

**Year: 10,000 B.C.**

**Parents: Turka & Murka- Status: Members of The Ass Picker tribe**

**Son: Borg- Age: 13- Status: Adolescent Ass Picker**

* * *

**Earth 43:**

**Location: Palestine**

**Year: 1980**

**Parents: Thomas & Martha Wayneberg**

**Son: Ben-Zion Wayneberg- Age: 27- Status: Rabbi**

* * *

**Earth 114:**

**Location: San Diego, California **

**Year: 2018**

**Parents: Timbo & Maris Wayne- Status: Professional Geeks**

**Son: Bruce Wayne- Age: 4- Status: Winner Of The San Diego Comic Con's annual Baby Groot Cosplay contest for three years running**

* * *

**Earth 22:**

**Location: Iran**

**Year: 2019**

**Parents: Muhammad Abdulawayne & Masooma Abdulawayne- Status: Islamic Terrorists**

**Son: Osama Bruce Abdulawayne- Age: 13- Status: Enrolled in the Iranian Junior Suicide Bomber Youth Program**

* * *

**Earth 75:**

**Location: Boston, Massachusetts **

**Year: 2018**

**Parents: Thomas & Mary Smith- Status: Sociology Teachers**

**Son: Bruce Smith- Age: 45- Status: Chartered Accountant**

For what seemed like an eternity, Bruce Wayne stared at those two final words. **Chartered Accountant. **He stared at them until the words burned themselves into his brain. Finally, he hit the intercom button.

"Alfred, I need a drink, the strongest stuff we have. And… bring the bottle."

* * *

I have decided to label this work as ongoing is case I decide to add another chapter down the line. If you enjoyed this story and want it to continue, I would welcome any ideas for other earths. Feel free to shoot me a message with any suggestions you might have. Thank you, and see you next time!


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